disclaimer: this post is very personal and not sunshine-and-rainbows. to some, it might seem complain-y. but i'm trying my best to "keep it real" on this blog. this is a part of my life that i'm going to want to look back on and remember, so that in the future i can tell myself "i did it!"
Sometimes God sends you little things that are exactly what you need exactly when you need them.
Today, I read an article entitled The REAL Reason You're So Afraid To Graduate.
(Here's the link right here http://totalsororitymove.com/the-real-reason-youre-so-afraid-to-graduate/ . Yes, I realize it's from a sorority blogsite, but that is not the point.)
And let me tell you, the writer hit the nail right on the head with this one.
For the past few months, I've had the biggest pit in my stomach that just seems to get bigger and bigger the closer it gets to graduation day. Last week, I realized I am truly dreading graduation with a passion... which is really, REALLY confusing. Why am I dreading it?
Graduation is supposed to be this exciting, momentous occasion that you look forward to since before you're even in college. It's the big hurrah to end "the best four years of your life"- it should be one big party! Now that it's looming closer, why am I dreading it so much? It's certainly not because I'm going to miss the classes or homework, and definitely not because of the student apartment I live in that is located in the worst section of town ever... so what is it? And even worse, why do I seem like the only person feeling this way? Everyone else is so ready to be done. They are going to have in-demand degrees and have had job offers since Christmas, or they have fiancés or houses or other exciting life happenings when they're finished. So what's wrong with me?
Those are literally the thoughts that have been swirling around in my head for weeks and have caused many tearful nights. I am so so grateful that I happened to stumble across this seemingly silly article exactly when I needed it.
The author sums up the expected reasons why people might be afraid to graduate... no more partying, having to get a real job, etc. But she continues to say:
"It’s not the real reason the word 'graduation' seems to be synonymous with 'death.' You knew you’d stop partying someday. You knew you’d have to get a job someday. And you knew that getting a job might be really, really hard. What you weren’t prepared for was this unshakable feeling that you don’t belong anywhere."
BAM! There are the exact words I couldn't put together to describe this feeling. I have no idea what exactly is coming next. While I've done some interviews, schools don't really open up the hiring process until mid-to-late summer, which means I have no real job at the moment. Scary. I also don't know where I might be living once I do get a real job, which means I'm going back to my parents'... Scariest. There are very few things in life that make your self-esteem take a huge hit like having to move back in with your parents.
While reading the article didn't make stoked for graduation, it made me feel a little bit better realizing that I'm not the only person who feels so unsure. I'm still so grateful and thankful that I was able to go to college and graduate. I know I'm lucky and that this is a huge blessing.
With that being said...
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